𓂃Raining with A Little Sunshine𓂃🖊

11.14.25

    A lot has happened recently. I don't really know where to start.. Lately, I have had issues with believing things people tell me. Mainly about how they feel. If they say they're okay, but anything feels off, I don't believe them and tend to pry harder to make sure they are okay. I know this annoys people, but I do it because I care.. maybe a little too much sometimes..

    I tend to overthink almost everything. It's a bad habit that I'm currently trying to break, but right now it's a habit that's been stressing me out. My therapist says automatic thoughts can be damaging without combatting them. That's what I've been focusing on the last few days, forcing the negative out and replacing it with something more positive. It is one of the most difficult things for me. My automatic thoughts are pretty strong. For example: I could be interacting with my fiance's mom, and let's say I start talking about my depression. If it seems to me like she doesn't care, that's what I tell myself.. that she doesn't care.

    I know that is so unhealthy, but that's how my brain has been wired all these years. Each big and small thing that has happened to or around me has affected me. However, like I mentioned, I'm fully in "let's-work-on-this mode. Especially with everything thats been going on relationship wise. We're going to be okay, I feel that in my bones. We're both just going through a really tough time with depression. We don't really understand how to help each other, so he thought it'd be best if we just tried to figure ourselves out. We didn't break up. I keep having to remind myself that, because being away from him like this feels the same.. and it scares me so much. Like I said though, I believe in us and that we'll end up stronger from this.

    I would like to thank you for taking the time to read this. Each entry, I will try to be open and vulnerable as I try to learn about and how to care for myself in healthy, productive ways.